Is Communication Holding You Back in Your Real Estate Business?

"Are you the doctor or the nurse? The Communication Lesson That Every Real Estate Agent Needs"

Let me take you back to one of those learning moments in my career as a real estate manager. Years ago, I fired off a quick text to a top agent in our office, asking her to attend a training session the next morning. Her response? She had an appointment and couldn’t make it. Fair enough.

Now, here’s where things went sideways. I replied with what I thought was a clever callback to a joke from a recent team meeting: “Are you the doctor or the nurse?”—a tongue-in-cheek way of asking, Who’s running your schedule—you or someone else?

I even added a winky-face emoji to soften the message. Spoiler alert: it didn’t land.

The Fallout

She was livid. My attempt at humor felt to her like an attack on her professionalism and her ability to manage her business. Ouch. To make matters worse, when I called her to clarify, I made the rookie mistake of asking her to “calm down.” (Pro tip: Never say that. It has the opposite effect.)

What I learned that day was a lesson in the complexities of communication—especially electronic communication.

The Science of Miscommunication

Here’s a fun fact: studies show that only 7% of communication is the actual words we use. The rest? 55% is body language, and 38% is tone of voice. So, when we communicate via text or email, we’re missing 93% of the context!

That’s why it’s so easy for a well-meaning message to be misinterpreted. What you intended as funny or lighthearted can come across as dismissive or harsh when stripped of tone and body language.

Communication in Real Estate: The #1 Complaint

In my years of leadership, the most common complaint I’ve had to address isn’t about pricing, showings, or marketing—it’s about communication. Clients feel their agent isn’t communicating enough.

But often, the problem isn’t the lack of communication—it’s the type of communication.

Let’s break it down:

• Baby Boomers tend to prefer face-to-face interactions or phone calls. They’re comfortable with email and text, but they value personal connection.

• Millennials? Text all day, every day. Why spend 20 minutes on the phone when a simple question can be answered in 20 seconds via text?

This disconnect creates frustration. A millennial agent might whip out their phone and show me a dozen text messages they’ve sent their client. But to the Baby Boomer client, those texts feel impersonal—like their agent is hiding behind a screen instead of building a relationship.

The Solution: Adapt to Your Client’s Needs

When I ran my real estate team, I created a simple client information form to address this very issue. Along with the usual details (phone number, address, etc.), I included two key questions:

1. What is your preferred form of communication? (Phone call, email, text, smoke signals?)

2. How often would you like updates?

This one form became a game-changer. By setting clear expectations upfront, I avoided miscommunication and made sure clients felt heard and valued.

Communication: The Secret Sauce

Here’s the bottom line: as a real estate agent, your job is to adapt to your client’s preferences—not the other way around. If they love phone calls, pick up the phone. If they’d rather text, fire away. And if they want updates every day, then make it happen.

At the end of the day, your goal is to make your clients feel like they’re your top priority. And the best way to do that? Communicate in a way that works for them.

So, before you send your next text, remember my “doctor or nurse” fiasco. And if you’re ever unsure how your client prefers to communicate, just ask—it’s a lot easier than trying to undo a misunderstanding later.